Harsh Discipline: Does it do More Harm than Good?

However, parents who work in high-stress jobs or are stay-at-home parents who are feeling frustrated or isolated are also at risk. It's imperative that parents recognize their tendency to punish a child too severely and take the needed steps to make sure the punishment is appropriate for their child's age, temperament and maturity level.

The study's finding showed that parents from lower income levels or work high pressure jobs are more stressed, and they react more emotionally to their child's behavior, and thus use harsher discipline. A parent in this situation may benefit from outside assistance and learning about alternative disciplinary strategies that are more appropriate and less harsh.

It's also important for a parent to realize that children thrive on praise. Parents in such a situation may always jump to discipline but fail to praise their child for their good deeds, behaviors and traits. Children instinctively want to please their parents and make them proud. By encouraging positive behavior, the parent will most likely discourage the behavior that has driven them in the past to punish too harshly.

In order to encourage positive behavior deserving of praise, parents might want to consider giving their child a task they know they're able to accomplish, and praise their efforts along the way. Parents need to also consistently praise their children for the positive traits they possess. Their child might be good at math in school, helpful to their little brother or sister, or is good at drawing pictures. Praise these good traits and the child is likely to respond by acting appropriately and behaving positively in order to gain more praise.

In the end, it's important to remember that a child is just that - a child. A parent should make a concerted effort to make sure the discipline is appropriate and take care of themselves physically, mentally and emotionally so they can optimally provide for their child's physical and emotional well-being.

Handling Conflict about Rules Enforcement at Home

Some parents may worry that setting strict rules may distance them from their children. But this simply isn't the case. Though they may gripe and complain and get upset when you become the enforcer, they realize deep down that this shows you care. These parameters you set forth and enforce make your child feel loved, safe, and secure.



It's never easy developing and introducing rules. Parents may tend to avoid setting rules because they fear confrontation and unpleasantness. But the uncomfortable stuff isn't necessarily a reflection on your relationship with your child, it's just the nature of adolescence - breaking rules and pushing limits is a part of growing up. We tend to want to be our child's friend sometimes, and when we're laying down the law that just isn't possible. Our primary role is to protect, nurture and provide for our children.



When kids break rules, parents often overreact with harsh, disproportionate and unenforceable punishment, which undermines the effectiveness of setting rules. Instead, when you first tell your child about a new rule, discuss the consequences of breaking that rule - what the punishment will be and how it will be carried out. Consequences must go hand in hand with limits so that your child knows what the cost of breaking the rules will be. The punishments you set should be reasonable and related to the violation. For example, if you catch your son and his friends smoking, you might "ground" him by restricting his social activities for two weeks.



Punishments should only involve penalties you discussed before the rule was broken. Also, never issue empty threats. It's understandable that you'll be angry when house rules are broken, and sharing your feelings of anger, disappointment, or sadness can have a powerfully motivating effect on your child. Since we're all more inclined to say things we don't mean when we're upset, it's sometimes best to give ourselves a time-out period to cool off before we say something we don't mean.



Make the ground rules crystal clear to your child. It's imperative that you are consistent and follow through with a defined disciplinary action after each infraction, and that your child understands the reasons why.

Get Involved in your Child's Activities, Hobbies and School

It's probably no secret that children who have involved parents are more happy, healthy, and well-adjusted and excel at their educational and extracurricular pursuits. It can increase their cognitive development, keeps them motivated, strengthens the parent-child relationship, and has a direct positive influence on their overall academic achievement. In turn, it can also help parents achieve a positive outlook on their parenting, increase their own self confidence and self esteem, and will most likely feel more satisfied with their child's educational experience at school.



But where do you get involved? With today's busy schedules between home, work, and school, it may feel that the average family has very little quality time to offer. However, different options and levels of commitment are available to fit every parent's availability, and with some careful planning and dedication, you can make it a positive experience for both yourself and your child.



First of all, discover what your child is most passionate about. Maybe you've thought about volunteering for the school bake sale to raise money, but your child is actually more actively involved in her local Girl Scouts troop. If that's the case, then get together with the other Girl Scout parents and see what you can contribute to help the troop. Maybe you could organize a bake sale to benefit their next summer outing.



It's also important to consider what skills, talents and abilities you can bring to the table. Maybe your child's school is in desperate need of your help organizing a fundraiser, but your skills in sewing and designing might better serve the school if you were to help in making the costumes for the school play. Remember, you want this to be a positive experience for both of you, and if your child senses that you're not happy with what you've chosen to become involved in, then they likely will not be happy as well.



But the bottom line is get involved and stay involved. Children of involved parents are less likely to get into mischief, have emotional problems, or have problems in school. You benefit by connecting with and staying connected to your child. It's a win-win situation for you both.

Follow Through Is the Key to Successful Discipline

Let's face it. There are just some days when it would just seem easier to let your child have his way than feeling like you're fighting a losing battle when trying to discipline them. They beg, plead, cry, barter and scream - anything to get out of doing the time for their crime. However, don't lose your strength and your will during this time. It's times like these when consistent disciplinary action is imperative to teaching your child positive and acceptable behaviors. There is no room for negotiation when it comes to bad behaviors and there should be no room for exceptions when it comes time for punishing misdeeds or bad behavior.



Hopefully before any misdeeds occur, you've sat down with your child and discussed the consequences of misdeeds and inappropriate behavior or decisions. Be concise and consistent when discussing these consequences so that when the time to implement them comes, you can follow through with ease. Children are classically testing the boundaries and limits set on them on a continual basis, and the temptation to 'bend the rules' just once or twice can be overwhelming when they're really trying your patience. But be firm yet fair. Emphasize that this was the understood consequence for this particular misdeed or inappropriate action, and that now is not the time to negotiate. Afterwards, take time out to discuss the situation with your child, and if it seems that perhaps a consequence that worked at first isn't working anymore, rethink that punishment and negotiate with your child. Of course, parameters that are set for their well-being or safety should never be negotiated. But in other instances, it may be time to develop a new consequence based on your child's age, temperament or maturity level.



It's also imperative that your spouse and any other adult caregivers are all on the same page and following through on punishments with the same level of consistency and clarity. Should you determine that what was once working isn't working anymore and develop a new parameter, be sure all adult caregivers are brought into the loop so that follow through remains consistent and clear.

Expect Only the Best from Your Child

Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task. Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends. Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration.

Above all, be a positive role model for your child, as their strongest educator is your example. Take care of yourself, and expect the best from yourself. Make appropriate choices and be firm yet fair when disciplining your child. Make sure to spend lots of quality time with your child, and encourage them to become involved in activities that foster cooperation and a sense of accomplishment. If you have great expectations of your child, you'll be greatly pleased in the end.

Encouraging Play Encourages a Child's Development

We all know that children like to play. But what we may not know is the importance of play in a child's life. Play is essential to every area of a child's growth and development.

Play provides a means for energy to be put to use. It strengthens and refines small and large motor skills, and it builds stamina and strength. Sensory learning develops mostly through play. Play is significant to physical development in that without it the body could not grow and develop normally.

Children possess a natural curiosity. They, explore, learn and make sense out of their environment by playing. Parents and educators alike can support this learning activity by ensuring age-appropriate toys, materials and environments are available to the child.

Play enables children to know things about the world and to discover information essential to learning. Through play children learn basic concepts such as colors, counting, how to build things, and how to solve problems. Thinking and reasoning skills are at work every time a child engages in some type of play.

Children learn to relate to one another, negotiate roles, share, and obey rules through play. They also learn how to belong to a group and how to be part of a team. A child obtains and retains friends through play.

Play fulfills many needs including a sense of accomplishment, successfully giving and receiving attention, and the need for self-esteem. It helps them develop a strong sense of self, and is emotionally satisfying to them. They learn about fairness, and through pretending learn appropriate ways of expressing emotion such as anger, fear, frustration, stress and discover ways of dealing with these feelings.

So encourage your child's play. Color pictures, make finger paintings, build buildings and imaginary cities with blocks, and built a tent in the middle of the living room and go camping! And as we all know, childhood is fleeting, so let them enjoy being a kid while they are one!

Encourage your Child to Feel Important

It's imperative for a child's healthy development to feel important and worthy. Healthy self-esteem is a child's armor against the challenges of the world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic. It's also been shown that children who feel important are well-rounded, respectful, and excel in academics, extracurricular activities and hobbies and develop healthy relationships with their peers.

In contrast, for children who do not feel important or cherished have low self-esteem, and challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solving problems, and may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed.

You are the biggest influence in your child feeling important, valued and worthy. Remember to praise your child for a job well done, and also for putting for a valiant effort. Praise the good traits they naturally possess, and help them find ways to learn from their mistakes and failures. Be honest and sincere in your praise. Help them realize that you also suffer from self doubt and can make mistakes from time to time, but that you know that you are important, valued and loved. When you nurture your own self -esteem and importance, your child will learn to do the same, so be sure to lead by example and steer clear of self-depreciating yourself or engaging in activities that lower your self-worth or importance.

Your child may have inaccurate or irrational beliefs about themselves, their abilities or their traits. Accentuate the positive about your child, and encourage your child to set realistic expectations and standards for themselves. Help them identify traits or skills they'd like to improve and help them come up with a game plan for accomplishing that goal. Encourage your child to become involved in cooperative activities that foster a sense of teamwork and accomplishment.

Through these and other positive, affirming activities, your child is sure to develop a strong sense of self importance, value and worth which will carry into their adult years.